it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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