So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
did i just pee glitter
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
