Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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