...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
