she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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