How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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