Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize