She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
