Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
