i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
