What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
