she looked like the bat from fern gully.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
