Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
