She's JV to your varsity
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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