I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize