just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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