how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
