Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
