....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
