Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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