I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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