you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
