You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
