youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
