Can i not drive my cunt home
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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