if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize