i was born a porn star she said
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
