In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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