guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
