Where is the hickey?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize