Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
