They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
