you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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