Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
