She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
