You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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