is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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