I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize