he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
