You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
