it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
birth control should be required to get into college
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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