You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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