I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
