I just saw a hot homeless man
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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