I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This toilet bowl is my home.
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