Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
