I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
