his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She's the barista slut.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize