Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
