i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
