I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
