I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
