I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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