You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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