Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
