so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize