Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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