I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize