Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
