if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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