I'm going to jail i love you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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