Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
