i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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