i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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