So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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