I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think my moral compass just broke
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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