Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
