Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
