you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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