Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
