Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize