Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
