I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
