So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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