Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
