it was like having sex with a tree stump
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
