so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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