So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
