Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
