WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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