No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
