I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
