Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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