just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
