My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
