I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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