you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
