I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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