Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
