so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
