whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I understand Curling. That high.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
