The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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