end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
