Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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