Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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